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Top 10 Worst Movies to Feature a Pro Wrestler

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The bad far outweighs the good when one discusses wrestlers appearing in movies. While there are several dozen that have been theatrically released, there are dozens more that were too bad to even make it to the silver screen.

1. Santa With Muscles

Hulk Hogan is a naughty man that gets amnesia while running away from the police. He wakes up believing he is Santa Claus. With his pal Lenny the Elf, they try to save a local orphanage from Ebner Frost. Garrett Morris works at the orphanage and must be wondering why his former Saturday Night Live cast mates have gone on to great success while he is in this movie. For some reason, my wife bought this for me for Christmas a few years ago. I would have been better off with a lump of coal.

2. 3 Ninjas: High Noon on Mega Mountain

Hulk is a retired TV star making his final appearance at an amusement park when it is attacked by ninjas. The ninja army is led by Loni Anderson who wants to take over the park and hold the owners of it for ransom. Rumor has it that Loni Anderson forced Burt Reynolds to watch this movie and that is what led to their divorce.

3. Hell Comes to Frogtown

After a nuclear war, earth faces extinction because most of the men are infertile. To make matters worse, the fertile virgins are being held by giant frog people. Roddy Piper is released from jail and put on a mission to save and then to impregnate the virgins to ensure the survival of the human race. Just to make sure that he doesn't run away, he must wear a cod piece with a bomb attached to it. I am embarrassed to say that this movie is so bad that I actually enjoy it.

4. Santa's Slay

In this movie we find out that Santa, played by Bill Goldberg, lost a bet to an angel and was forced to be good for 1,000 years. Now that the terms of his bet have ended, Santa has a lot of killing to make up for. He starts off by ruining a family dinner and killing James Caan, Rebecca Gayhart, Chris Kattan, and Fran Drescher. Even though James Caan was stupid enough to appear in this, at least he was smart enough to be uncredited for his appearance.

5. Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe

Jesse Ventura plays the part of Abraxas, a Finder from another galaxy. The Finders are virtual supermen that have taken a vow to protect the universe. However, Secundus becomes a renegade and impregnates a human woman. Abraxas comes to earth to apprehend Secundus because the mutant embryo's have the capability to destroy the universe. Governor Ventura's first act in office should have been tracking down every copy of this movie and then destroying them.

6. Buy & Cell

Former Tri-Lam Louis Skolnick (known as Lizzie McGuire's dad to the younger generation), is set-up by his boss and is sent to jail for securities fraud. Like any good stock broker, he sets up a company to manage the prisoner's finances and calls it CON INC. He keeps this a secret from the warden and guards with the help of Cowboy (played by Roddy Piper). The only reason that this movie has flown under the radar of bad wrestling movies is because Roddy wasn't the lead actor.

7. Mr. Nanny

After losing his job as a wrestler, the only job that George Jefferson can get for the Hulkster is for him to protect some rich kids from Buster Poindexter. The kids start off their relationship with Hulk by playing several lame practical jokes on him until they grow to love him. The most famous moment in this movie is Hulk Hogan wearing a pink tutu.

8. Violence on Violence

This is what happens when the owner of a porno company runs a wrestling organization. This domination video stars Nicole Bass and John Saturn. At the time, both were working for Rob Black's XPW. Of all the movies on this list, this is the only movie I have not seen from beginning to end.

9. See No Evil

The previous movie is what Kane's mommy probably forced him to watch and caused him to go on his murderous rampage. I wanted to leave this movie half-way through but only sat through it so I could finish my review for all of you. The last two movies prove that porn directors and wrestlers acting is not a good combination.

10. Ready to Rumble

David Arquette became the WCW World Champion because of this movie. Do I need to say anything else? I'll let the photos of the movie and the aftermath do the speaking for me.
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